CHILE PART 4 – PUERTO NATALES AND PUNTA ARENAS

FROM DUSK TILL (NEARLY) DAWN
So we left the Twilight Zone of the hostel and headed out to find somewhere to have some food. We stumbled across a bar and on seeing the pygmy and the prostitute in the corner knew we were in for an experience. As Simon demonstrated his Spanish (in retrospect we now know he did say this correctly!!) he asked the waitress how she was (“como estas”) she immediately responded with the Spanish for “three beers”, he tried again but was given the same response so we decided to have the beers! Whilst we had a couple of beers each we were entertained with local television that seemed to be aimed at kids in terms of it’s humour and ‘game play’ (it’s a knockout type affair) although in somewhat of a conflict was the fact that all the presenters were busty, scantily clad females (bar one male, Benny Hill like, presenter). The contestants, all in bikinis and boardies, were tied up by their hands and feet, covered in what looked like oil, and then had to wriggle across a plastic floor in a relay type affair, with regular close up on the woman and their chest area. Although this amused myself and Simon, we felt uneasy on a number of levels and when the game ended and a new one began (blowing up balloons under their t-shirts until they burst!) we decided we’d better not try to eat here and opted for a wander.

PHIL COLLINS
We wandered around for a while and after realising we could be the only people wandering these ghost like, cold streets, stumbled along a chintzy looking fish type restaurant. The owner/waiter/barman was very accommodating; so much so that (of his own accord) he turned off the busty beauties and put “Phill Collins live” on for us (I did suggest questioning this but Simon and H seemed content ;o) )

We enjoyed a nice wine, while humming along to baldy, and Helen had a pleasant fish dish whilst Simon had a fish-egg and onion dish, I decided to try eel with chips and egg (they keep putting egg on everything I order – odd!) – we were all happy with our meal and vino even if the music left a lot to be desired! As we left the restaurant we noticed an Irish bar across the road (the only bar in the town it seemed) was just opening (it was about 10pm by now) so decided a glass of wine would help settle us for the evening before heading back to our eery accommodation.

A BEER WITH POTATO HEAD
Well, they say things come in threes and we were hoping by now that this place would stop surprising us with odd establishments – maybe after this one…

The bar was quite large and we sat aside the bar near a (quite necessary) heater. As Simon and I approached the bar we both noted that the barman had that ‘British’ look about him and also resembled a potato, we therefore assumed Irish, we were then surprised he was from Leeds (half right!). He was friendly enough and served us every time Simon suggested ‘just one more bottle of wine‘ – in fact until the point that leaving is a little fuzzy (H-I’m sure the few Chilli vodkas the men all partook in will have helped with the memory loss)!

HOMELESS?
So, we left Mr Potato Head’s in the early hours and wandered for a short while before we realised we were actually lost; fortunately after a lot of walking and a taxi drive (I think the driver found it a little difficult without an address or hostel name!), we stumbled across our hostel only to find it was locked. We all took turns and banging (and kicking, as Simon reminded me in the morning my Jacki Chan ego came out that evening) the door to raise the odd, underpant wearing hostel owner to no avail. As Helen and I slumped against the door in despair Simon got bored and decided to have walk across the road. All of a sudden we heard him shouting “isn’t that our hostel a few doors down?”… Yes we’d been ‘trying’ the wrong door! Discreetly we got into our hostel and headed to our attic room for a few hours sleep!

THE NEXT DAY
We slept until about 4 in the afternoon!!!

THE NEXT EVENING
We ventured to a café called “Maria’s café” that we’d spotted on one of our ventures. Helen was still feeling a little rough so decided to stay off the beer and opted for a coke and water. Simon and I however decided we’d have a beer but, being full of common sense, asked we could have a Fanta too. A few odd looks from the waitresses (and even the father of the girls on the till) didn’t disturb us too much as we were becoming accustomed to them by now and then the drinks arrived. Two Fanta and lagers (that is an orange/lager shandy!!!!) and as we took our first sip we noted the 2 sisters laughing and staring. Fortunately the toastie and piece of cake we ordered arrived without any unwanted additions (such as a bloody egg!!) but the staring and giggling carried on the entire time we were there. However we found out that the place was a hostel as well as a café and although there were the giggling sisters (H – I think the sisters were a bonus point for both Simon and Dylan), the place looked clean and fairly normal, so we decided when we get back from our trip we would spend the night here rather that our attic room.

So after our special shandy we popped into the tourist information office were we booked a bus for the next day (the plan was to head for the Parque Nacional Torres Del Paine to go and see the famous Torres Del Paine) and then decided to venture out to see some of the sights of Peutro Natales (essentially – at this time of year – The Coast – we didn’t see much as it was getting dark – and in all fairness it’s just the sea). As we feared hypothermia and there was also a funny smell (we realised that the drains must be blocked an there was lots of “stuff” filling the roads), so we headed in land looking for some food and warmth. Just as it looked as though we may freeze to death we stumbled across a homely looking café/restaurant and hedged our bets.

CAFE EL COLD
As we entered my vision was distorted somewhat as I exhaled the cold from the air reacted and frosted over my glasses – it was darned cold!! We sat and the waitress took our orders. As we sat and chatted a while we noticed that different people kept walking past the doorway and popping their heads through to observe us, I’m sure the whole family had a gander – we wondered if tourists had ever ventured this far ‘down town’!?!?!

REDUCED OPTIONS
When ordering food, Helen still feeling delicate ordered a tomato soup, the Cheeky Chica (as Simon kept referring to her – not sure that chica was the correct term for the sweet old lady) then advised her that they didn’t have this and after a couple of tries off the menu Helen went with the recommended soup, having no idea what this was. I then tried to order some lamb, however this was also off the menu and again after a couple of tries at other meals on the menu went with the recommended dish, again no idea what I was going to get. Finally Simon had a go, looking for a steak he was told, not available, as he had watched in amusement how our ordering had gone rather than try again he also went with another recommended dish. And just to mix it up we ordered a couple of house specials as starters.

Eventually our food was served (to us three shivering tourists!) and what a feast beheld us. The starters came first and what a treat, the 2 plates held a few slices of avocado (fine as we all like this) then what looked like slices of spam wrapped around some cold rice mixed in mayo – in fact they were slices of spam wrapped around some cold rice mixed in mayo!

Helen breathed a sigh of relief when her soup came just after the starters (her excuse for not sharing the delectable starters) and was pleasantly surprised with an asparagus soup and a couple of rolls. Simon and myself worked our way through the starters and as she cleared our plates waited in anticipation for our mains.

Thank god they sold beer, and after a little persuasion had managed to talk Helen into partaking in the beer!

After what seemed like a lifetime our mains were brought out. I seemed to get the better deal out of the two of us, to this day I’m still not sure what kind of animal my piece of steak had originated from but it could easily have been mistaken for the sole of a shoe! Chewy but edible (hey – we’ve been on the road a while now!) and it came with, guess what, chips and a fried egg!

Simon, however, wasn’t so lucky – he could hardly complain about the portion size; his plate was definitely full and he had a collection of meats to try. He had a smaller version of my shoe sole, and a variety of different pieces of sausages and “chorizo” to try, it really did look like they chef had gone “S<*t, I wasn’t expecting anyone tonight, lets see what left overs we have from yesterday, deep fry them and serve them to the tourists – they’ll think it is some sort of local delicacy!”. Well, delicacy it wasn’t, especially when he realised that a lot of the sausage (although warm and crispy on the outside) was actually cold in the middle!

Well we managed to eat some of our fine meals, it helped that we were being watched by the staff (and more family I’m guessing) as we munched down, although scared our jaws were just too sore to finish and Simon flirted with the Chica whilst asking for the bill, once paid we were out of there.

DAMN, COINCIDENCES
We had decided to stop for one at Marias Café on the way back but as we were walking towards the hostel we realised that the Irish bar was on the way home and lo and behold was just opening as we walked by.

We ‘popped in’ and were greeted by Mr Potato Head. we decided to have just one drink, I stayed with a Tetleys while Simon and Helen shared a bottle of lager. We were all feeling a little rough and tired but the thought of going back to the hostel at such an early hour was too much to take, so myself and Simon decided we would share a bottle of wine. As I went to the bar to order from Mr Potato Head I could hear Helen in the background shouting, only one and then we have to go back. A couple of hours later and we are at the bar chatting away to Mr potato Head with Helen telling him he’s not allowed to serve us any more wine after the bottle we had. So what do we do, we go onto chilli vodkas (Helens fault of course, well she said no more wine!!), so whilst we distracted Helen (who did not partake in the shots – boring!) we managed to order another bottle, which did actually end up being the last. While Helen and Simon were chatting I started chatting to a few locals and we got on so well that they ended up buying me their “local speciality”, oh no Pisco Sours!!

So we said our goodbyes to the locals and left; the truth be told that was more a description of Helen and Simon’s exit… Mine was not quite so ‘elegant’. I casually turned on the stool at the bar an somehow managed to lose my footing and ended up on the floor, I got hold of my senses, straightened myself up and then collapsed into the table beside me, as I casually rolled over and bounced off the floor I straightened my clothes and hoped no-one had notice – fat chance!!! lol!!! H – as we were opening the front door we heard a load clatter, turned around and there was Dylan (for the 2nd time) on the floor, we went over and helped him out of the door. From here on I lead the way and left the 2 boys to follow, getting us back to the hostel. After a stop at the bank, a few bangs on the door and literally carrying Dylan up the stairs we made it to our bed. We also managed to be up and awake for our 7am bus but as you can imagine we were all a little tired and awoke with black eyes through a distinct lack of sleep!

See the photoset here

  

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